if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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