Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
