I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
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I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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