I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
