I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
