whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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