All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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