If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
