then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How naked do you want me to be?
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