For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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