I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
