holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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