Welp...herpes.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
