I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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