I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
