Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
