I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
