You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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