you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
