I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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