I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
