I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
