when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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