it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
