There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize