Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
