roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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