I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
