Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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