I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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