i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
