She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
