You work out of a Hotel?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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