At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
