how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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