Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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