I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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