Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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