so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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