i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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