so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
