So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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