Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
