Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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