New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
