You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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