i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
