just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
