Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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