Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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