We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
