I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
