what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've blown a few things in my day
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
