i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
