I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
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He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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