a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
