I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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