i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
