I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
