I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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