does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
