YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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