you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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