dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
