I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
PANTIES FOUND
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
