everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
