There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
