I just made out with a guy for $7.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
