bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Farmville is her only friend.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
