So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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