so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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