the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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