Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
