Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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